closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
