I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
