i think my tv is drunk
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
false alarm. still invincible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
