Your dad touched me again.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
