i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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