First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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