i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
