I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
