turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
