I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
