i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
