I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
