dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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