i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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