He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
