I want you more than these girls want KFC
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
