i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
