Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
