I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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