Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
