Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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