At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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