i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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