dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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