R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
