Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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