My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
