He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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