and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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