Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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