I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
