your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
