If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
