College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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