I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
