And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
