Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize