I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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