listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
