You're my little dorito
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
