why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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