Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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