I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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