he puts the penis in happiness.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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