That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
even my farts smell like vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
