my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
a search helicopter?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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