i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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