Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
