you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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