Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize