my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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