its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I AM VODKA MAN
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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