yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
