and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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