So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
