You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
