I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
