She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
