Your face is a jimmy john
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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