its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
