I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
