True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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