Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
