Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
