biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
