so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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