she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
