they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
