I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
