To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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