ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
